Thank You, Judge

G'day,

 

Most people pass through our lives without leaving an impression. Others become memories, while some leave dents. I can think of very few who’ve left an impression of admiration. This week marks the passing of a gentle giant, a man who I have the utmost respect for, Judge Tom Gray.

It’s odd how we weave in and out of each other’s lives and affairs but rarely dwell on the factors and influencers that keep bringing us together.

My wife and her parents knew Judge Gray and his family extremely well as they were next-door neighbors for decades. My wife and Judge Gray’s daughter grew up together and both eventually became public school teachers.

I met Judge gray thirty years ago, soon after my wife and I began dating. Now, my experiences with judges were, thankfully, few and far between; however, the two courtrooms I had been inside were lorded over by very mean-spirited and unremarkable men. I was reluctant to meet Judge Gray.

I remember taking my time ambling across the adjoining strips of grass before begrudgingly introducing myself.

I’m certain I came across as a snotty punk as I rolled my eyes when I meekly extended my hand to shake his. Instead of the grumbling sourpuss I expected, I was greeted with a warm, beaming grin, a friendly handshake, and a welcoming pat on the back. Most who know me know that not much can shut me up. I was honestly humbled by Judge Gray’s outgoing and welcoming personality.

He didn’t eye me with contempt, I didn’t feel I was being sized up. Rather, I was allowed — given the right to feel — as if I were a family member stopping by for some backyard barbecue and a joke or two. I glanced around, believing I had introduced myself to the wrong guy.

This was my first impression of Judge Tom Gray. It would not be the last time he would impress me though.

Back to how remarkable people weave in and out of our lives — within a couple of years of that first meeting, my soon-to-be wife and I were standing before Judge Gray and hundreds of witnesses as my bride-to-be and I exchanged our wedding vows. We liked Judge Gray a lot, and because we wanted a secular ceremony, Judge Gray was our first choice to perform our wedding ceremony. There we 3 stood, at the rose-covered Crystal Gazebo within Opryland Hotel’s Atrium, and I’ll always remember Judge Gray grinning after pronouncing my bride and me husband and wife — and then the fountains behind him roared to life. Their explosion was amplified by the cheers erupting from two levels crammed full of onlookers. It was all so majestic, beautiful, surreal, and heart- pounding. The only movie-magic missing was the release of a few thousand doves. And there the three of us stood in wonder and amazement — my bride, me, and Judge Gray.

Life took my wife and me around the States and into Australia. We had such a great time in Sydney that we vowed to get Australian residency. A legal authority representing the US government had to approve all of our residency applications and supporting documentation. Once again, Judge Gray eagerly offered his assistance. Soon thereafter, we became both US citizens and Australian permanent residents.

The final stories involving Judge Gray were borne of deep scarring and devastating sadness. Miraculously, I choose to believe, Judge Gray was selected to officiate the end of a bitter chapter in our lives. I recall feeling so empty, so hollow and numb as I sat in the chair beside Judge Gray’s desk. After all the legal paperwork was finished, Judge Gray let me speak off record. I broke down as 6 years of pain and frustration poured out of me. I wasn’t losing my cool in front of a belligerent, pompous magistrate; rather, I was falling apart in front of a warm, caring friend. His words were comforting, supportive, and caring. My family and I had to say goodbye to someone very dear to us that day, and Judge Gray offered the only bright spot to that miserable event.

We saw Judge Gray once again, albeit necessarily briefly, when his first wife passed away. Although surrounded by supportive friends and family, he took the time to speak with us, shake my hand, and hug all of us. Sadly, this was the last time we saw Judge Gray.

How does his legacy live on through us? Our marriage endures, we have a batch of kids, and we have dozens of memories of great times spent in Australia. Every major event in our lives was shared with Judge Gray. He wasn’t just a man, a neighbor, a judge — he was family and will always be remembered as such.

Have a pleasant, reflective day.

RJ